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Post by brandon75 on Jul 26, 2011 15:13:36 GMT -5
I'm new here but long time lurker. Trying to come up with a logline for a recent script. Here's what I got so far...
A Frankenstein's monster with second thoughts about his criminal activities is driver for a kidnapping that goes wrong due to a little girl, a ghost and his old partner Dracula.
Let me know what you think.
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Post by mydoggeorge on Jul 27, 2011 5:07:46 GMT -5
Well - here's my take - I think you have everything in your logline. It just needs to be concise and to the point, but include the antag, protag, and the story.
A Monster who's in on a plot to kidnap a girl, starts to have second thoughts when things escalate forcing him to rethink his old friendship with a vampire.
I don't think you need to extrapolate with everything you put in your logline.
I have to ask - is this a comedy or thriller?
You can use what I said or chuck it. It's completely up to you. I hope someone else chimes in here for you.
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Post by Sean Z P Harris on Jul 27, 2011 10:11:39 GMT -5
Indeed - What MDG said! I think it could help if things were re-arranged a bit:
The monster of Frankenstein's criminal partnership with Dracula is strained to breaking point with disastrous results when a planned kidnapping goes horribly wrong.
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Post by brandon75 on Jul 27, 2011 17:17:49 GMT -5
Thanks for your comments guys. I will take them into consideration for sure.
To answer your question mydoggeorge, the film is more of a thriller.
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Post by thegman on Jul 28, 2011 20:33:28 GMT -5
How about this?
After kidnapping a little girl, Frankenstein has second thoughts about working with his old partner and former rival, Dracula.
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Post by mscherer on Jul 29, 2011 9:16:50 GMT -5
Brandon75,
Not sure everything is here that we need to know.
Protagonist: Frankenstein
Antagonist: Unknown
Situation: kidnapping gone wrong
Stakes: Unknown
First, who is the antagonist? The little girl? The ghost? Dracula?
Second, what are the stakes? Was the little girl kidnapped? Is her life in danger?
If you could expand on your story it might help greatly.
Keep Writing!
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Post by brandon75 on Jul 29, 2011 21:08:09 GMT -5
I am finding it hard to boil the story down into a short form. Probably why I am having trouble with the logline as well. I was planning on posting the most recent draft of the script in the forum for critique. Maybe this will help:
Protagonist: Frankenstein monster named Rodney Deadington. Is a criminal thinking about going straight. Is involved with a kidnapping of a Senator and little girl. Things escalate out of control and he ends up caring for the girl. She helps prod him to go straight. He has had it with Dracula.
Antagonist: Dracula is indirectly involved in the kidnapping. Deadington eventually figures this out. Dracula confronts him about getting back together for a new bigger criminal activity and Deadington fights back.
Situation: See above. Plus a US Marshall is trying to stop Deadington since he is supposed to be under her watch. The ghost of the Senator's bodyguard is after the kidnappers to save the girl.
Stakes: I suppose at stake is really the soul of Deadington. He's got to give up his criminal ways.
This probably just makes things more confusing but thanks anyway for the help.
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Post by mscherer on Jul 30, 2011 6:44:59 GMT -5
Brandon75,
Something I thought about while putting this together: the characters -- Frankenstein and Dracula -- are certainly copyrighted or have become the registered trademarks of some corporate entity somewhere. Probably best to not use these names in your script. However, you could describe them as ‘Frankenstein like’ and ‘a vampire’ respectively.
Two more thoughts: First, adding a ghost bodyguard drives this script towards comedy or farce -- my opinion. Now that’s okay if it is what you are striving for and it may be considered just ‘similar, but different’ enough for a studio to buy it. If that's the case, go for it. Second, getting rid of the monster motif would bring you script more into the mainstream -- a character driven movie which might make it easier to sell via the Indie Film route. My two cents.
I went the mainstream route:
A conflicted petty criminal decides to go straight after connecting with his kidnap victim, a Senator’s daughter, and together they struggle to defeat his former boss, save their lives and their immortal souls.
Not great, but a start. Good luck with this project and always,
Keep Writing!
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