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Post by nattylight on Feb 14, 2011 0:48:02 GMT -5
I've had a few requests for my script VooDooQ... a tangy comedy about pride, passion... and pork. But I'm hoping to increase the request numbers with the help of GITS Club readers.
Following a freshly kindled romance quickly snuffed, by fire. One man struggles to catch the one that got away... that never really left.
Thanks for your help!
Courtney
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Post by mscherer on Feb 14, 2011 7:08:10 GMT -5
nattylight,
Hmmmm. Lots’a questions here. But let’s start with the components of a logline -- at least from my perspective.
There should be a clearly defined Protagonist, a clearly defined Antagonist, a clearly defined situation, and clearly defined stakes. Let’s see what you bring to the table:
Protagonist: one man
Antagonist: no one.
Situation: romance quickly snuffed; struggles to catch the one who got away.
Stakes: nothing
Let’s take each item one at a time:
Protagonist: ‘one man’ is not very descriptive nor does it tell us much about the Protagonist. Is he a lonely man? A desperate man? Psychotic? Neurotic? Give the audience/reader someone to identify with.
Antagonist: you don’t have one. Who or what keeps the Protagonist from obtaining his goal? There can’t be conflict without someone or something getting in the Protagonist’s way.
Situation: so far, so good. The only question I have -- and this jumped off the page for me -- what did you mean by ‘...quickly snuffed, by fire’? Is this a physical fire or a metaphorical fire?
Stakes: finally you do not tell the audience/reader what the stakes are. What is the worst thing that will happen if the Protagonist fails to obtain his goal? You have to give the audience/reader a reason to root for the Protagonist, a reason for us to want him/her to succeed. Here, we don’t have that.
Okay. I hope this helps somewhat. I guess the bottom line here is we don’t have enough information to create/develop a proper logline. Give my thoughts some thought and give it another go.
One man's opinion -- mileage may vary -- batteries not included.
Keep Writing!
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Post by nattylight on Feb 14, 2011 17:28:53 GMT -5
First and foremost thanks for the response. I appreciate the help.
And just so you to know from the get-go... the remainder of this response is a vent... it is not a reaction to your generous reply...
But this damn logline is about to drive me BANANAS!!!!!! I will NEVER again write another story without having a logline firmly in place.
Right now I feel like I have to summarize "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" using only one note.
I thought I could beat the system... boy was I wrong.
V-e-r-y discouraging!!!!
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Post by brianhaas on Feb 14, 2011 22:35:52 GMT -5
Mike, as usual, has the relevant advice: protag plus goals plus problems.
Natty, I think you're coming to a conclusion more people need to realize.
A lot of times people post loglines after they've written their stories. And 9 times out of 10, if their logline doesn't work (which is most of the time), neither does their story.
There's something about nailing down a concise, logical logline first that seems to inevitably improve the script.
Logline first, screenplay second.
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Post by nattylight on Feb 14, 2011 23:44:45 GMT -5
But what drives me toward the brink of throwing my laptop out the window is that the following logline sold....
"One man's struggle to take it easy."
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Post by brianhaas on Feb 14, 2011 23:48:21 GMT -5
But what drives me toward the brink of throwing my laptop out the window is that the following logline sold.... "One man's struggle to take it easy." Somehow, I doubt that's the logline that was pitched. That's much more of a tagline that you'd see on a movie poster. One is to market your script to agents, managers and prodcos so they can decide whether you have a good story to tell. The other is to market the movie to the masses without giving the whole thing away. Big difference. Bueller.... Bueller... Buelller... Bueller... |
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Post by nattylight on Feb 15, 2011 0:13:52 GMT -5
More than likely it didn't matter... Mr. Hughes could have said...
One man pees on his shoe only to realize his entire life... is all wet.
And it would have sold.
But I do understand your point...
"One is to market your script to agents, managers and prodcos so they can decide whether you have a good story to tell. The other is to market the movie to the masses without giving the whole thing away. Big difference."
(Bueller.... Bueller... Buelller... Bueller...)
Got me on that one... didn't think anyone would call me on that... but you did...
You know your stuff!!! Great job! : )
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