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Post by mscherer on Jan 22, 2011 10:12:12 GMT -5
Okay, need all the help I can get on this one. This will be my first attempt at a comedy so the logline needs to be very good to compensate for my lack of comedic writing experience ;D My take is this: All of Me meets Ghost Busters meets The Hangover. Hopefully the logline tells the story. If not, I'm sure you will let me know Logline: A bachelor party prank to swap the souls of a stripper and the groom-to-be goes awry when the stripper’s soul refuses to enter the groom’s body leaving the groom in a zombie-like state and the stripper convinced she’s in love with the bride.Keep Writing!
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marc
Full Member
Posts: 133
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Post by marc on Jan 22, 2011 18:49:15 GMT -5
it sounds quite funny. I enjoyed All Of Me a lot.
I wonder who the Protag and the Antag are. I think the Stripper with the groom's mind is the Protag and her soul is the Antag, or the Zombie?
Where does the Ghostbusters element come in? I can clearly see All Of Me and The Hangover (I guess, I have only seen the trailer). Is the soul free and do they have to catch it to re-swap them?
I can see three story-lines here. The soul-catching, the zombie-hunt and the awry romance. Which one of those is the main story line?
Don't know if it all has to be conveyed in a logline, but these where the questions that came up after thinking about it a little bit.
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Post by mscherer on Jan 23, 2011 8:00:52 GMT -5
Marc,
Thanks for the input. To answer all of your questions, I'm not sure ;D
I envisioned the story as more slapstick than straight comedy. With the stripper thinking she's in love with the bride-to-be, and the soulless body running around town/campus causing mayhem, and the stripper's soul darting here and there getting into all kinds of mischief. But..............
Still mulling it over.
Thanks again and always,
Keep Writing!
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Post by Sean Z P Harris on Jan 25, 2011 1:31:28 GMT -5
This does sound like an extremely funny concept.
As for antag, does it actually need one? If it's slapstick, surly trying to get the grooms soul back before the big day should make for a ticking clock.
As for the stripper falling for the bride, that sounds incredibly amusing.
I guess one question that comes to my mind, as Marc has also mentioned, is: who is the protagonist? At the moment, I can see the grooms friends running around trying to get his soul back before the big day with the stripper acting as an obstacle. Will said friends be trying to help her as well, or will her own buddies be doing that (if anyone is trying to help, that is).
Keep brain storming! Something defiantly here.
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Ben
New Member
Posts: 22
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Post by Ben on Jan 25, 2011 2:24:24 GMT -5
Love the concept - right now I'm imagining a scene where an old, gnarled college professor does a pole dance at a faculty meeting.
Anyway, I've already proven to myself that I can't write a logline to save my own life, so I can't help there. But in this type of comedy, is it really necessary to have all the traditional elements? If the story gels sufficiently and the laughs come at natural beats, then is it a crime not to have a protag?
Like Sean said, the ticking clock element would work well - just as in the Hangover. Conflicts could arise between the buddies - also ala Hangover - trying to catch the soul, while a beautifully absurd love story could develop between the stripper and the bride. In fact, a love story between a stripper and bride-to-be is probably enough for me to buy a ticket.
Oh, and if I may - can the strippers soul please have 'daddy' issues? There must be hours of material in a that alone!
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Post by btstacks on Feb 2, 2011 15:27:01 GMT -5
Isn't the main purpose of the Log line to get someone to read the treatment and ultimately the script?
If I read that log line, I would be interested in learning more about the story.
One thing: Does the stripper's body refuse the soul, or does something prevent the soul from entering her body. Meaning, during the transfer, his soul enters her body, but then something breaks the chain and her soul is left out. Maybe her soul ends up in the body of someone close during the switch, like an Elvis impersonator or a minister.
I don't know, just rambling. But the concept does sound funny.
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