POW: December 5, 2010 - Everything I Pretend To Be

[waltkurtz]

dmedley,

It's so interesting and confounding to me that you saw their relationship for what it was on page two and OZ thought is was too subtle up to and after the kiss. Damn!

I'm sure it doesn't surprise you I had both Chinatown and The Grifters in mind while writing this picture's love story. My take on those films is that the incest between parent and child is indicative of the rot at the core of the parent - criminal sociopaths both of them - and is the cause of estrangement and psychological distress suffered by their children. But, I don't think the filmmakers made an effort to conceal the familial relationships in either picture. In fact, because we know the relationships, when the sordid truth is revealed it's shocking. I'm always afraid of trying to trick an audience since I like pictures that strive for honesty.

With my picture I see the love relationship as an unsettled one. Pierre still has romantic intentions. So much so, that he undergoes this extreme transformation in hopes he might reclaim Porche. For his efforts, he inexorably becomes something he doesn't want to be and ultimately embodies his nemesis, Pasho's mantra that "you are what you pretend to be". His is a sacrifice made for love.

I will reread this with your suggestion in mind and see how I can finesse it so it is revealed in due course, but not hidden for the sake of shock value.

Thanks again,

Walt

[dmedley]

Walt:

I wouldn't do it for simply the shock value alone. I would do it in such a way as to, yes, shock, but shock in a way that makes the reader/viewer strongly empathize with both Pierre and Porche's characterizations. Remember, one can empathize while not condoning.

You're right about Chinatown and the incest being indicative of the father's foibles. But it also greatly broadened the character of the daughter as well. It was a sort of twofer; it explained much of the Faye Dunaway character's situation, AND it exemplified in a stark way just how awful her father was.

I agree that shock value alone is rather weak, but in concert with a broader goal, it can make for some very interesting stories.

Take care.

[openup]

Hey, Walt!

I'm not late, and the thread isn't closed yet. Yay! Thought I wouldn't make it. Wanted to give this a read.

You already heard many things from Donna, and dmedley, so I won't repeat anything they said, except for several remarks. I just want to tell you that I'm an amateur in this, so forgive me if what I say, and how I say it, isn't like a pro would've done it. I'm just trying.

1. I also felt that the story really began after p. 40, or so. That's when it got interesting. I believe that you should try and get that "interesting" part, twenty, or thirty pages before. It would help.

2. Pierre - Kitty relationship. I liked it, when it came to that. But in the end, I felt that maybe it needs to be explored a little more. With a little depth; because they kiss, make love, and before... They had only talked a few times, and she used him to con Stanholm. Didn't seem like a real "connection", especially for the kind of troubled people they are. But that might be just me.

3. Porche - I don't know what to tell you. She seems desperate enough to me, from the beginning. But generally, as Donna stated, the story, the bones are there: a little depth would't hurt.

A few notes:

p. 58 - "...Pardner" - Partner?

p. 59 - "...senses he unease" - Senses the unease?

p. 64 - "...Vicodan" - Vicodin?

I'm neither an American, nor a British, and therefore, I don't have the right to correct you. But I figured I'd post them, just in case. If I'm wrong, I apologize.

Generally, I liked the story. Especially after p.40, as I said, it kept my attention. The scene with Pierre at the TV station was witty, tense. And I liked the ending. Twisted. I like those kinds of endings.

One thing I'd like to say, is: Up until the end (p. 105-110), it felt as if Pierre didn't change. As if... He was a loser, he remained a loser... And then, he kills Stanholm, and changes his life radically. Maybe it's just me, so again, I'm sorry if that's the case, but perhaps you need to introduce that change in Pierre a little sooner? Just an idea.

And continued from above: it's nice how you confuse the audience with the ending. It's one of those endings that people debate over, after credits roll.

Again, sorry if I sounded too harsh, or anything. That wasn't my intention. I just wrote some thoughts that I had after, and during reading your screenplay. So... I hope you find anything useful in there.

Thank you for the great read! It was enjoyable, and packed a good story! And it's always nice to read such screenplays.

[waltkurtz]

openup,

It's never too late. I'm so glad you took the time to read my script and thank you for posting your thoughts. It really helps me to have as many points of view on the material as possible so I can triangulate the problems and take the necessary steps to correct them.

To that end, I found your comments very useful; especially your sense of when the picture started getting exciting and the idea of fattening the relationship between Pierre and Kitty.

Thanks for jumping in on this thread.


Walt

[mydoggeorge]

Hi Walt,
Just got through this. My thoughts - nice story...but there are some flaws that I did not pick up on and it could just be me or the storyline. I noticed someone previously posted that they had no idea about Porche and Pierre and frankly neither did I until the kiss and then the end.
I would definitely figure out how to let it in more. I mean obviously no brother and sister that are grown adults would dress and undress in front of each other unless...there is a different type of family. So, in retrospect that may be enough.

Page 1 - 13 - I am still not finding out what ideally Pierre's problem is? I thought up until this point that he was just a loser, paying for the apartment for him and his sister with what money??? Page 13 - how does Pasho know Pierre and why does he want to see him? I dont think we learn about the necklace until later...

Page 14 - Why would Pierre rummage through Rigo's stuff? (Like I said I had no idea that Pierre and Porche were an item - until he kisses her and the end) And what difference does it make about the parole card? Just curious. You also write - Exactly what he expected (that's not filmable.)

Page 14 - I am totally lost with the conversation in the morning with Pierre, Porche and Rigo - about Rigo calling someone a liar?

Page 31 - Where is Stanholm getting all his money? He can't possibly make that much as a newsanchorman (unless he's on GMA or something)

Where does Pierre get the money for the plastic surgery? or the money for anything? (We don't learn this until later on and it's misleading because at the very start he's out looking for a job.)

Page 71 - I finally learned that Pierre attended a Pasho thing. I guess I could have put it together earlier with the pamphlet and the choker. This is also where I learned he got money from a lawsuit. (It seems too far in the story to let me know where he get's his money from.)

Okay so - that's all I have.

Thanks for sharing with me. These are just my comments and I am by no means an expert (a novice at best). It will be a nice screenplay once you have the kinks worked out.

[waltkurtz]

Mark,

I wasn't expecting to hear from you for another week. Thanks so much for checking this out.

It's one of the most confounding things to me that you and OZ didn't realize the brother/sister sex angle untll late in the script, while dmedley says he picked up on it on page two. I'm really trying to wrap my head around this vast chasm. It had been my intention to be subtle with the incest so when they kiss, suddenly, everything that came before makes perfect sense. I suppose I still need to finesse this and I'm rereading it with that in mind.

Hopefully you'll check out the rewrite and I'll have figured this out.

BTW - How are you coming with Mr. Invention?


Walt