Uncommon Sense

[mydoggeorge]

Here is something I've been working on. Thought I would post up here and hopefully get some feedback. Any thoughts or comments would be appreciate.

Uncommon Sense -- A genius with the gift to read situations at a seconds notice can breeze by life with having all the money he wants and a woman that loves him, but he lets even the simplest of human emotions get the best of him; forcing him to make a plan that pits mob bosses against each other in order to confront the bully of his childhood.

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[stephenguest]

okay.

i thought the idea was great - but 96 pages later i was disappointed that the story never used the idea to its potential.

and that's a real shame as tom's gift would be a cinematic delight. in fact, i think you haven't even started to tap its visual and storyline potential.

a few points.

the plot is too slim for tom's gift. come on, tom's gift is huge, mesmerizing and everyone in the audience would sell their mother to have it.

and what does tom do with his gift - seeks revenge on a school-boy bully. what a waste.

A gift like tom’s requires a sophisticated and complex storyline - and a protagonist and antagonist who are worthy of it.

tom, as portrayed, is too shallow and hasn't accumulated any wisdom. he's known about his power for 18 years and all he can do is get beat-up in vagas?

the antagonist/s? they're just portrayed as bumblers. to sharpen the story you have to make one of them understand who tom is - and that's where you can build real conflict.

a question.

what's tom's emotional journey? laughing and smacking george's naked ass in the caribbean. that doesn't sound like a man with a unique gift.

stephen

[mydoggeorge]

Hmmm...

Interesting point. The basic premise is that for all of the genius abilities he has, it's one simple human emotion that he can't get past until he takes care of George Amato.

Maybe I need to include more of a back story about what he has done in his 28 years. I agree with you as far as the antagonists having some bumbling qualities - I was trying to make them seem slightly less intelligent than Tom, but also trying to give the mentality of a mob tough guy as not the brightest bulb. Maybe I need have George burst into the story earlier??? (Possibly something that Tom did not account for.)


The other ideal is that no matter how smart you are or unique - we are all human and sometime a little payback isn't so bad.

Thank you for taking the time to read it. I will take your points into suggestion as I look at the screenplay again.