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Post by paulmackie on Aug 5, 2010 19:02:16 GMT -5
My mate Dave makes a lot of short films for comps and suchlike and we all try and help him out as best we can. The whole idea at the moment is to put together a group who can do short things pretty well and then work up to doing a feature. This is my 1st effort at dong a feature length script for that project. I put the first 40 or so pages of my script on here a while ago and was quite encouraged by the response so here's the full thing - it's the 1st draft and I would much appreciate any suggestions and ideas anybody may have before I go and ram it anyones face and go like "here do this next" if it's totally shit just say cos it's better than embarrasing myself aint it. Thanks in advance Paul Attachments:
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Post by songswithoutwords on Aug 6, 2010 8:22:35 GMT -5
Hi Paul, will read it over the weekend and give you some feedback sometime next week.
Andrew
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Post by songswithoutwords on Aug 8, 2010 7:16:44 GMT -5
Hi Paul, had a look and compiled some notes. Took me about 8 hours over the last two days to get through it. The notes are attached in PDF. In short you start very well and with some work you can improve the middle and end to meet the standard you set at the beginning. You more than anyone need this script to be the best it can be, as you might also be investing the time to shoot it. I'm happy to discuss any and all of the points further. Good luck! Andrew Attachments:
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2010 8:22:58 GMT -5
PaulMackie - I am sorry but I haven't read the script yet.
songswithoutwords - Wow. Those are amazing notes. I hope I can get that good with my notes someday.
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Post by paulmackie on Aug 8, 2010 9:53:19 GMT -5
Hi Andrew. Have to agree with mybrainhurts here and say Wow. Was totally not expecting that level of effort to put into giving me, lets face it, much needed advice from anyone. So first off many thanks for that, it's a lot to digest and take in to be honest, although most it I'll agree with straight off. A lot of the time when I was writing it I tended to get a bit carried away and just waffle on a bit, I do that in real life too. So I think what I'll try to do after reading your notes is
1 - Try to think of a way to resolve the Amy situation without resorting to blowing her brains out.
2 - Expand the Marcus role and try to make him a bit more of an nasty bugger, also try and give a bit more of an explanation as to why he helps out Josh and Greg in te first place.
3 - Cut down a hell of a lot of waffle and make it punchier.
4 - Sort out Snakes story a bit, quite like the idea of finishing the whole thing with him sniffing and pushing the glasses up his nose.
Anyway, again thanks so much for the time and effort you put into this, and I'll try to put as much of your advice into effect as I can. I'll keep you updated with how things go.
Paul
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