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Tonally
Jul 30, 2010 6:17:19 GMT -5
Post by czachcross on Jul 30, 2010 6:17:19 GMT -5
I got a note that read "Very difficult script to get tonally." I don't understand what that means. Anyone have any idea?
I posted the script in the short films section.
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Tonally
Jul 30, 2010 9:00:56 GMT -5
Post by mscherer on Jul 30, 2010 9:00:56 GMT -5
Zach,
My guess would be the tone of the script. For example, is the script light-hearted, dark, mysterious, etc.
One man's opinion, and opinions are like a** holes -- everybody has one ;D
Keep Writing!
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Deleted
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Tonally
Jul 30, 2010 9:06:17 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2010 9:06:17 GMT -5
I read the latest draft.
Honestly, I can see what they mean. This used to be a quirky little story about some big wigs that all used nautical terms...and now it made a HUGE turn into the Twilight Zone.
Your earlier drafts clearly painted a vivid picture of what was going on. I totally pictured it as a setting from the early 70's, with all the characters wearing three piece suits, wing tips, and pinky rings. The kind of men that valued their appearance as much as they valued their reputations. Men that stood around at parties with rocker glasses half full of scotch that could only relax by talking about business.
I pictured a yacht club with 60's furniture, that was really badass for it's day. Complete with a transom as the front desk and portholes on the wall, with fishing nets hanging from the rafters.
Before, I liked their brotherhood and camaraderie, mostly because half of the characters reminded me of my own grandfather. There were internal rifts within the group, but everyone accepted each others faults because they had all sailed together and they were a team.
It just had the right feel to it.
Now, not so much.
I really don't like Jane from the beginning. The characters are all full of anger and hate. It doesn't feel like they were a team at one point. You can almost smell the shootout coming from page 1.
Now it is confusing and dark. The whole first page paints a very weird scenario that puts the reader into a weird place from the beginning.
And then put a weird, bitchy lady, who for some reason cannot even get a decent jacket, into a yacht club, and give her a gun and let her shoot up the joint?
Speaking of the gun play, it just didn't work for me. Kinda rolled my eyes at that point.
I hope I am not being too harsh, but maybe my honest comments will help explain why they sent that note.
I am actually a little disappointed myself. This was so cool before.
Just me .02.
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Tonally
Jul 30, 2010 12:37:25 GMT -5
Post by czachcross on Jul 30, 2010 12:37:25 GMT -5
@mybrainhurts: you're notes are great. I love honest feedback. Your words put a smile on my face. mscherer: not a bad guess, sounds right to me. Hopefully the person get's back to me, I asked them to explain it a little more. |
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Deleted
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Tonally
Jul 30, 2010 14:49:35 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2010 14:49:35 GMT -5
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Tonally
Aug 1, 2010 15:18:23 GMT -5
Post by czachcross on Aug 1, 2010 15:18:23 GMT -5
haha, those pictures are great. Bill and Stanley look phenomenal.
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