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Post by piotrp on Jul 12, 2010 6:07:23 GMT -5
"An ex-mercenary must choose between his old life and his new one or continue to be stuck in between as the two most influential people in his life seem to have secret agendas involving him.
The logline is anything but perfect, but perhaps some of you could pitch in?
Many thanks in advance!
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Post by mscherer on Jul 12, 2010 6:59:13 GMT -5
piotrp,
Protagonist: an ex-mercenary
Antagonist: ??
Situation: must choose between his old life or new
Stakes: status quo ??
Okay, you do have a protagonist (ex-mercenary), but not sure who is the antagonist. Which of the two people from your protagonist’s past is the Bad Guy?
You have a situation: must choose between his old life or new, but what exactly are the stakes? What happens if he doesn’t choose? Life goes on? You should make the stakes more specific and his choice a dilemma – choose between the lesser of two evils – otherwise the audience is going to do a collective shrug and say: “Eh, who cares?”
Hope this helps as you,
Keep Writing!
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Post by escarondito on Jul 20, 2010 11:00:18 GMT -5
scherer I can't even get chances to respond on these logline threads cause you take the words right nout of my mouth
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