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Post by mydoggeorge on Jun 17, 2010 9:01:48 GMT -5
Well - Hello, I am new here. I really like this site and all of the useful and talented people.
I posted a little over a week ago on a script that I wrote and needs work (in the review section), thanks for the feedback from fastfreddie.
I decided to try and come up with a log line for the script. Here it is:
A Psychotic Serial Killer haunts a young girls dreams and she must decide to keep her dreams a secret or confront the demon.
Any comments and criticisms would be appreciated.
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mgafm
New Member
Posts: 3
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Post by mgafm on Jun 18, 2010 20:35:03 GMT -5
I think it's too vague, there's no hook or set-up or explanation as to why the girl dreams about the serial killer, is it psychic, did she meet him, is it supernatural, is it horror? How old is the girl? 3, 15? Why would she keep the dreams a secret and is he literally a demon? Wouldn't she just say hey, I'm having this dreams? Is it like Nightmare on Elm Street?
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Post by irreversiblemess on Jun 29, 2010 10:04:36 GMT -5
if inception does what people think it might, anything dream-related might become a hot property. that said, the serial killer needs to find a bit more of a niche.
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Post by mydoggeorge on Jul 5, 2010 19:31:43 GMT -5
The age relation is that it happens to her when she is young and now she is fifteen - so when it first happened to her she was younger. I guess I could come up with a different angle on the age thing.
As far as the dreams, they are not really dreams but visions - so during the visions she writes them down.
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Post by patricks on Jul 6, 2010 14:43:54 GMT -5
You start off strongly with a serial killer stalking a teenage girl in her dreams, but the either/or at the end loses me. The entire movie can't be about her deciding what to do, and how will keeping her dreams secret protect her? He's already invading her dreams. Or is she having psychic visions of the crimes, and he's not aware of it? If it's the latter, that's been done quite a bit. The first thing you can do is rewrite the logline so the protagonist, not the antagonist, drives the action. This will more or less force you to focus on the spine of your film. Maybe something like: A teenage girl tormented by dreams of a brutal crime spree becomes the next target of the serial killer haunting her nightmares.Although I'd still consider trying for a fresher angle on this story. Patrick Sweeney I Blame Ninjas
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