Fortunate Son

[heyzeus7]

Hey there,

I joined the board way back in the beginning, but had to take a break to finish school, so here I am again! I have some time to write and here's what I came up with:

A genetech corporation's plan to create a superior human goes awry when the Indian surrogate mother hired to give birth to it goes on the run.

I got the idea from reading an article on the surrogate womb industry in India, which is flourishing. The idea for the rest of the story would be that the mom successfully keeps the baby (a boy) in hiding in India until his teenage years, when he has to confront his pursuers and the nefarious purpose for which he was created.

Thoughts? Reactions? Much appreciated.

[mscherer]

heyzeus7,

I would be careful using the term genetech. Here’s why (from Wikipedia):

Genetech is a fictional corporation in the Marvel Comics universe. It is located in Sayville, Long Island in the state of New York.

Genetech is involved in many scientific endeavors and appears as both an ally and an adversary of the superhuman team the New Warriors. Genetech should not be confused with the real corporation Genentech. The CEO of Genetech is Walter Rosen. Genetech was founded by Harmon Furmintz who ran the company until he absorbed the energy of Terrax, the former herald of Galactus. He was ultimately consumed by it.

That said, on to the logline:

A teenage boy, who learns he is the result of a nefarious technology company's attempt to create a superhuman, struggles to avoid capture while uncovering the true reason for his existence.

Don't think we need to know his mother is/was Indian and the fact the she goes on the run can be shown early in the script -- the real story is the kid's struggle to remain out of the clutches of the technology company while discovering the reason for his existence.

One man's opinion -- mileage may vary -- batteries not included.

Keep Writing!

[dwight]

So the logline sounds like Terminator 1, and description sounds like Terminator 2.

I'm intrigued, but the fact that i have the Terminator movies in mind may be influencing. Maybe add a little teaser of what his superhuman abilities... Can he control space and time? is he the Splice baby? Can he grow his fingers out nails like Meg? So without being too lengthy or too revealing, his abilities may be used as a hook as well.

[Jeff Messerman]

I certainly have nothing to add that Mike didn't already take care of but I must say it's one hell of a tasty concept.

The India angle, while certainly not necessary for the logline, is sure to make this film all the more fascinating.

The only other observation I can offer is that in your logline it sounds like the Mother is your protagonist while in your synopsis, it seems to lean heavier on the engineered boy. May wish to address that prior to moving on towards your next steps.

Otherwise, though, beautiful concept. You'd score my nine bucks plus popcorn!

[heyzeus7]

Mike:

You and Jeff are right to point to the ambiguity about the protagonist. It really is the boy, although I do mean for the mother to be a strong supporting character as well. The rewritten logline is closer to what I had in mind.

Peter:

I suppose the mother on the run part resonates with Terminator, but I'm not really thinking along those lines. For now I'm thinking the boy's powers are basically that he's stronger, faster, and more aware than others, nothing supernatural. Although I am toying with the idea that, even though on the surface his augmentation is technological, something supernatural might come into play later on.

Jeff:

Thanks for the kind words. You are right to point to the ambiguity in the protagonist. I'm afraid by the time it gets made (aren't I the optimistic one) it might cost more than 9 dollars to see, though!

Thanks everyone for your input!

[irreversiblemess]

well, it can't be any worse than splice the on-the-run element gets my interest. sounds promising.

[patricks]

Neat premise. I like Mike's rewrite - focus on the protagonist, the boy, and on the meat of the story rather than the setup. Otherwise I'm expecting a movie about a pregnant woman escaping corporate kill squads or whatever, and then I get your script in my hands and it's about a teenage superhero.

Patrick Sweeney
I Blame Ninjas