The Falsifier - post apocalyptic space opera

[delson9030]

Hi everyone,

Here's a logline for a script I'm currently working on.

In a future when the last free humans have fled to a massive space station in Earth’s orbit and on the planet below lurk a race of vampires who seek to breed and harvest them like animals, a political heir to the Human Government struggles with his destiny as the Falsifier, fated to bring down the vampire empire, and is abducted by them in a surprise raid. With humanity’s survival at stake, he must find—and fight—his way back and take his place in history.

I'd appreciate your comments.

Thanks in advance!

[Jeff Messerman]

Wow. Heavy, to say the least.

Your ideas are sound but what you presented reads more like a SYNOPSIS than an "official" logline.

In other words, you're gonna' wanna' shave that down to the nubs to make it work. If you're lucky, Mr. Mike Sherer will make it over here and give you some tips towards that end. (my loglining ain't too hot and I'm loathe to do it for my own projects, let alone as a hobby!)

A potential pitfall. What you have here is DENSE. In fact, I could see myself reading what you presented on the back of a book jacket. Since what you have here is obviously BIG BUDGET material, you're going to really want to get to the HEART of who your film is about and precisely what their goals are. I see a lot of "world-building" here - GREAT for an s/f novel - not so great for a modern science fiction/action film.

Remember, besides a pitiful few examples, we seldom see straight-up, hard, actual sci-fi on film. It's always made more "safe" with a heavy dose of hardcore action. (which is, overall, unfortunate!)

Perhaps your project could change all that one day?! Be fine in my book!

Best o' luck to ya'!

[mscherer]

delson9030,

Interesting concept -- a different twist on the whole Vampire thing. As Jeff mentioned -- very dense. Here is my first SWAG at a logline.

Abducted from a space station by the Vampire Empire that rules Earth, a man known simply as the Falsifier, fights for his freedom, then struggles to save the last remnants of humanity.

Keep Writing!

[Jeff Messerman]

delson9030,

I just thought of a film that sort of shares some traits with what you're trying to do... Tobe Hooper's LIFEFORCE. It's by no means a great film (some would say it's barely a good one) but, on it's own merits, I found it kind of enjoyable.

There are huge, glaring differences but perhaps giving it a look will help you solidify your focus and assist in achieving your goals.

[delson9030]

@ mscherer:

Thanks so much for your logline. It really does trim the fat of what I want to say without missing the spine of the story.

@jeff Messerman:

Thanks Jeff for your comments. I'll definitely see Lifeforce to get an idea.

If both of you could help me out and check out my completed draft of VACCINE and the first act of The Falsifier, I'd really appreciate it.

I'm so glad to be part of such a forum and get my work out here and to be able to get objective suggestion and comments.

Thanks both of you!

[John Wanamaker]

"His legendary father united the last remnants of humanity...but he will tear them apart." The Falsifier.

[delson9030]

@ John:

Thanks for your input. This is not exactly what the story's about. But I do appreciate it.

Thanks!