Pieces of the Sun

[napolyphonic]

"During a bout of writer's block, a burned-out, middle-aged screenwriter meets the woman of his dreams and comes up with the concept of a lifetime, but a recently diagnosed eye disorder threatens both his relationship and his chance at fame."

Suggestions please.

[thegman]

Napo,

A couple of things...

1) Screenplays about writers are usually pretty boring. Can your main character be another profession?

2) Not getting the connection between the eye disease & his relationship with the woman of his dreams.

Greg

[napolyphonic]

Man, it took a while for someone to respond, even though your point about writers as characters should be automatic. I figured I'd get torched sooner.

So, the point that he's a writer only serves as a MacGuffin. It's the reason everything happens in the story, but the story isn't at all ABOUT writing. There are no details, or lengthy scenes where he expresses his love of writing and explains its many existential applications. Not at all do I want it to be about that. At this point in his life, it's his job, just like any other job, and he's struggling.

Mainly, him being a writer gives me a perfect setup for an irony in the plot at the end. He writes a masterpiece, an Oscar-worthy movie, but loses the ability to watch films or even enjoy the look on people's faces when they enjoy films. In the end, he succeeds at his profession, but loses the primary sense needed to enjoy it. Maybe it's terrible, but I've been wanting to write a veiled romance for awhile. I think it'll turn out nicely. I hope.

Your second point, I'm not so clear about. I understand the logline isn't very clear either, but let me attempt to address it. The effect of the diagnosis on his psyche causes him to suffer severe depression, anger, and makes the newly formed relationship extremely rocky. She nearly gives up on him, but she feels something about him is worth saving, so she stays. She helps him see through the problem that he will never be able view words on a page or watch a movie again. His sole joy in life is movies, but movies are also his bane. Maybe he's addicted to the struggle and stressfulness of writing? Maybe not.

I don't know. Maybe this helped?

[mscherer]

napolyphonic,

Had to think about this one long and hard, but here is my first SWAG at a logline:

After meeting the woman of his dreams and on the verge of professional success, a struggling writer discovers he has a physical condition that threatens to take both away.

Keep Writing!

[napolyphonic]

Mike, that's not terrible. I think it's a good direction. The order of events is a bit off though.

So, he becomes inspired to write this thing because of the woman. Right around the same time, he is diagnosed with a degenerative eye disease and struggles with writing. This leads to stress on their relationship. So the woman is the cause of the idea. She's a bit of a muse for him. I think the relationship between his meeting her and the subsequent breaking of the writer's block should be taken into consideration.