The Party- 3 Minute Film

[violet]

Another mini-movie, for your (hopefully) enjoyment!

Title: The Party
Genre: Teen Drama/(potentially Dark Comedy?)
Log/Tagline: This party is about to get messy.

Let me know what you think! ;D

Attachments:

[mscherer]

Violet,
Interesting. I really liked the misdirection:

1.When the girl takes ‘something’ from the medicine cabinet. I figured it wasn’t the Lithium – but what?
2.Poolside, when Boy approaches the bleeding Girl. I had to wonder why he didn’t call out for help. Then, when he licked the blood....

One thing took me out of the story and it happened at the very end, just when you want the audience with you.

EXT. SOMEWHERE-NIGHT
A hand pushes out from under the earth, reaching upward. It
bears a long scar on the wrist.
-The Girl, dirty, and the Boy kiss intensely. The Girl pulls back.
-With her tongue, she feels a pair of fangs. Newly sprouted.

How did the Boy managed to bury both himself and Girl???

Also, and this is a personal style preference, I think this would read better if you ditched the ‘-ing’ verbs.

Good stuff, Violet. Are you planning to produce this film yourself? Keep us informed and always,

Keep Writing!

[tous]

Hey Violet I enjoyed this one. But there were a few holes that didn't make it any more interesting than going to a party myself and feeling the same way they felt- apathetic.

So my initial reaction from reading this and coming out on the other side - I didn't feel any triumph or gain any new perspective, and I think that's because the characters didn't relate or have any connection to one another.
I like the whole vampire-esc, suicide thing, was VERY interesting, you always have a spin so I was expecting it as a fan- but it was kind of cheesy.

Questions:

Why is BOY at the party?
(If not for feasting, cause he did the exact opposite by adding another mouth to feed)
Why did he choose her? What attracted him besides her skin?
(Which I kind of queued into, I think you need to show that she doesn't accept herself, or her image through the mirror, and then here comes BOY and there he does. He needs to show her, and us -something we didn't see there before// not just his fangs haha)

Why did he want to save her? Also, why commit suicide at a party. Was it her attempt to give society one last shot? Was was the motive?
Why would he need to bury her? Did she even want to be saved?
(It's kind of cruel to bring someone back from the dead when they never wanted to be alive in the first place. Granted now, she has no choice and has to live FOREVER. Or until the whole human race dries up. So I think you need to queue us in on some kind of HOPE for her that she wants at the party, that way when she can't get it- she gives up, completely. And there you have her motive.

EXAMPLE: It could be as simple as her seeing someone else give someone a flower during the party (i think kissing would be too overly stated/abundant and non-unique since they are at a party) and then BOY at the end is standing over some grave. This would be perfect, cause now he can be holding that same flower, but its a whole bouqet of FLOWERS, just like someone at a funeral. But who's it for, the grave? Well no, because out pops girls) This would clear up mscherer concern over how he was able to bury them both .
--Sorry, sloppy writing but just wanted to get that out.


It's very hard to show your audience all these things, but perhaps you could have the two characters meet or bump into each other some time during the party. Would he then stalk her? Or would he try to avoid her? And following that flower suggestion. I noticed, your writing was done differently - Where sentences tended to arrive (as they often do) but I think it was the use of "," that made it jump.
Anyways, I hope that suggestion helped or at least fueled you to think. Great read as always!

[violet]

Thank you both so much for taking the time to read and comment!

mscherer at the end, he buries her- I'm going to make this much clearer in the next draft. As for producing- this is a bit larger scale (house party, pool) than I have access to right now, but I might try to adapt it to what I have to work with sometime this summer. Right now I'm so busy producing my other short (which I'm shooting next week! yikes!) that I haven't had much time to think about producing my other shorts!

I'm also thinking of uniting all my three minute shorts by having the same recurring actor and actress playing the leading lady and man in each piece. If I can find someone to shoot them for me, I'm thinking of pulling a bit of a Cindy Sherman and casting myself in all the parts.


tous my first idea was to have the boy looking through the party for the girl, as if they'd broken up... I think I might actually go back and try that out. It would give him a reason to save her.

These give me some great ideas for the next draft. Thanks!

[tous]

Wow, love the Cindy Sherman idea.
Or maybe even have different directors do each of your short, and put them all together - kinda like "Paris, I love you" and "Tokyo".

Anyways sounds great!