Lizzo1014,
Just read your 1 page offering. It's different. More good then bad. Though not enough for me to get too excited about. Do you plan on doing more with with this fractured fairy tale, or was this just a "for fun" exercise?
A Few Observations:1. Try to break long sentences in paragraphs of description into shorter ones.
2. A lot of people say
scenes are mini-movies and should have a
beginning, middle and end.
This scene does.
VERY GOOD JOB with that! 
Beginning: Elizabeth is on her bed writing, and smoking pot. Change in status quo: a White Rabbit appears. Middle: Elizabeth must react to the changes. She starts by grappling over is this real or not. Then enters into a conversation with the rabbit. End: Elizabeth turns on the white rabbit and confines it in a cage. Twist: Elizabeth was ready for the white rabbit all along.
3. Don't combine your initial description of ELIZABETH, and action by her on the same line.
4. This is your worst line in the one page you submitted:
"Elizabeth blindly reaches for the bong and takes a rip mulling over this question when the bedroom door open slams open revealing a six foot tall WHITE RABBIT."
You need to break this line into separate actions which are taking place, then re-write them accordingly into your script.
4a. Elizabeth reaches for her bong.
4b. With the bong in her possession, Elizabeth take a toke.
4c. Her bed room door bangs open.
4d. That sound redirects Eher attention off her Mac laptop over to the doorway of her bedroom.
4d. A 6 foot WHITE RABBIT is the surprising reveal, as he stands in her bedroom's doorway.
Sooo here's how I would rewrite that:
Elizabeth takes her bong. Rips in a hit. Mulls her words...
BAM!
That sound SNAPS Elizabeth's attention OVER to her -
- bedroom doorway. There stands a 6 foot tall WHITE RABBIT!
Three piece Armani suit. Top hat. And its hands the White Rabbit holds a large, ticking clock. With Elizabeth's eyes on him, the White Rabbit sings:
5. Use capitalized words in description to bring film life into Elizabeth's thought process considering the bong and the rabbit.
6. Parenthetical (spaced out) not needed and (sing-song) can be embedded into a line of description right above the name of the character speaking as shown above.
7. Good initial shot heading.
8. Show don't tell. "Amidst his protest" refers to spoken lines of dialog by the White Rabbit, and as such they need to be written out.
Hope this helps. You're probably my favorite person
to read stuff by on this blog site, lizzo1014. You're definitely different -- in a a good way!
- E.C. Henry from Bonney Lake, WA
to read stuff by on this blog site, lizzo1014. You're definitely different -- in a a good way! 
