Motel Room.Shawn. WITH ATTACHMENT

[violet]

OOPS. reposting this, hopefully with the attachment this time...


Just started writing this series of short films, half because I'm itching to produce films (I plan on shooting this) and half because I'm stuck on my feature, so I'm trying to get some practice writing.

This short is called Motel Room Shawn. and I'm not sure if I can really come up with a logline for a film/script so tiny, but I think the tagline would be something along the lines of:
The morning after Shawn will be remembered.
Genre I'd say is erotic thriller.

I'd love to know what you think of this. Quick read, I promise!

Attachments:

[tous]

Violet.. wow

I just gave this a read. I'd like to read it again and really look at the words you've chosen but just my initial reaction because I think that's the most important-- i thought it was very mysterious. I think you have a really good eye at where your scenes end and begin, with the motel room, and somwhere (with the hair, and tatoo ink) worked really well. With a strange nuance of something so beautiful and poetic as a woman's body, mixed with that curiousity at what she's preparing for - I didn't quite understand till the end and that's what BLEW ME AWAY. Great ending. And that's what I'll remember.

(Oh, the scene where it pulls out and you just see the window? You don't exactly tell us how we're supposed to think does anyone go to these placES? SO i imagined, just through reading it that I was in someone else's car driving right passed this little place in some desert blocked by a few hills of desert rock)