Something For Nothing (short)

[jimmy7]

Just read this.
For me, it's a good story that builds to something and then sort of lets me down - i wanted a good solid ending, something to link the fish with the death of the old man.
The ending you gave it is fine if that itself tied in with something earlier in the plot i.e. something magical.
In other words, it either stays as a conventional story but needs a conventional ending or it's weird and magical right from the word go.
It's a good story, just needs a bit of work.
Hope this helps.

Jim

[napolyphonic]

Just read it. It's very good, but it's not a complete story. I see this sequence being part of a grander story. I think you should write something around it. It would be quite good I think.

Two things: 1)the only dialogue that I didn't believe was "shrink." I don't see a kid of that age from the south saying shrink. Find another word for that. 2) What's with the fire at the end? I loved it until then. Really a beautiful little world you set up with nice, honest characters. Stand By Me style. That's good. Don't ruin it with some crazy twist, M. Night .

It isn't finished...write a feature.

-G