Interesting Experiment - Updated

[Deleted]

I kept running into way too many cliches with my first character, so after doing an outline and a rewrite on the outline, I had a much better idea.

My story now focuses on a divorced newsman.

[songswithoutwords]

i haven't started yet :-(
but still committed.
currently distracted by a flash of inspiration on Song Without Words (not my nick, but my screenplay)
anyhow i work reasonably well under pressure.... usually...

- Andrew (in Brussels airport)

[Deleted]

Andrew,

No worries. I work better the same way. I am forcing myself to work on this way earlier than I normally would. Usually I would stay up the night before and type until my fingers bleed.

If you have inspiration for your work, go with it. We will be here. We still need another participant anyway.

[dwight]

Well maybe once we post our parts, other people will read their awesomeness and fight for the last spot. Or another idea we can have the last piece be the character that ties everyone's characters together... but we should definitely finish our parts first off.

[attatt]

I have started to focus my part on a magicain similar to Chris Angel. I would like to have him end up trapped in a wing of the hospital that houses terminally ill children when the earthquake hits, then have him escape to the functioning part of the hospital as we all merge our stories. Let me know if that conflicts with anyone's idea.
We should probably create a quick group outline before we do any more work on this.
Does someone want to start that and email it to the next person, or do you want to do it all publicly here on the board?

[songswithoutwords]

at att att

My own story is going in the direction that a standoff / hostage situation is already taking place when the quake hits. A male aggressor is holding a female police officer hostage, and her husband, another police officer, is outside among the crisis team. Somehow I can see the husband police officer (who will consciously leave the aggressor to die in the rubble before the day is out) meeting your magician at the end of the movie and feeling some kind of guilt / pain for it.

Wow that was very general. Which leads me to your second point: We will produce a better script if we outline together.

My gut tells me to do this somehow privately, but my sense of community tells me it will be a more interesting experiment overall if we allow the whole group to see each idea, good or bad, and how we develop this together. As an aspiring writer I love reading a good finished script, but always wish I could see just how crap the 1st draft was.

So to come to my point...
I propose we outline here.
I propose we post our drafts here.
I propose we argue here.

We can all give details like you and I have given above, and I propose our leader mybrainhurts puts up the first outline. Why him? Cause I don't wanna do it. It's the first courageous step. :-)

If you all disagree with me I will be relieved somehow, cause I don't look forward to posting my first drafts publicly. Nonetheless I think we would do more of a service to the community if we did it as above. If we decide to do it privately we can use a collaboration tool like Yahoo Groups.

I have a concern about my own story. If done poorly (always a risk) it will stink. Therefore we have to ask ourselves how much of a collaboration this will be. Will we trade sections after the writing is done, and allow each other to edit our work? I would love that. I would love to see what another writer would do with my material if suddenly it was theirs to improve.

Andrew

[attatt]

Hey, if part or all of this doesnt stink we will all be surprised. If any one of us was perfect we wouldnt be here, we'd be on a movie set hanging out with butt naked ladies.

I agree it all goes up here.

[Deleted]

I am all for it all going up here. It will be a great exercise and I am open to constructive criticism. Let's face it, it is an odd scheme anyway. If it comes out good in the end, it will be incredible...but I say we go for it anyway! 20 pages is a lot easier to write than 100 so if we have to spend a little extra time refining it, it will be worth it if it works.

I wrote my outline a little different than I usually do. Since we are writing individual pages, I have a general idea for each page to thread the theme through. There will be many details added of course.

I am not ascared! Here is my outline:

Kal Kipprosoff is a news reporter that has sacrificed everything for his career. He is cold and calculating and all he cares about is story...until his world is turned upside down.

SUNDAY
PAGE 1: Kal Kippersoff. At the scene of a crime. Reporting that a young child was shot. Kal tries to interview the mother. Cold and rude just to get a story.
PAGE 2 Returns to an empty house with takeout food. Big, expensive house that is very empty and cold. No family pictures.

MONDAY
PAGE 3: At the office, Kal is praised, told he will win an award.
PAGE 4: On the street, talks to a cop about a dead body. Obvious the death doesn't phase him at all. Cop doesn't like Kal either.

TUESDAY
PAGE 5: Slow news day. With photographer Considers “creating” some news. Hasn't seen mom in years. Lost track of siblings. Doesnt need family, has the “Love of Los Angeles”
PAGE 6: Phone call from his mother. She loves him and is very proud of him. Looking forward to seeing him on Friday. He brushes her off. Can she take a taxi?

WEDNESDAY
PAGE 7: Horrible car accident. Tells photographer with him to take pictures. Dead body but Kal doesn't care.
PAGE 8: Kal arranges to go with the traffic guy, Steve Johnson (African American) on Friday. Will trade Laker tickets for a ride. Johnson doesn't like basketball. Knows Kal is an asshole.

THURSDAY
PAGE 9: Kal's mother takes off from Florida airport.
PAGE 10: Instead of picking up his mother from airport, gets on helicopter. Follows high speed chase.

EARTHQUAKE

FRIDAY
PAGE 11: Kal has just watched the destruction of Los Angeles. Realized mother is in the air.
PAGE 12: Argues with Steve to land at airport. Steve wants to go home to his family. Can't reach his family.
PAGE 13: Lands at the airport his mother is supposed to be at. No plane can land. Several planes crashed on the runway. Runways are cracked. Kal calls her cell. No answer. All cell phones down or just hers? She is all he has left.
PAGE 14: Tries to appeal to airport staff since he is a celebrity. They all ignore him. Much bigger issues. Begs hottie at the office to help him find her.
PAGE 15:Sits alone. Calls his mother again. Tells her he loves her.

SATURDAY
PAGE 16: Just after midnight a woman at the ticket counter wakes Kal and tells him his mother's flight was diverted to Burbank Airport. Flight crashed. They took survivors to USC medical center. Best hospital for burn victims that is still operational.
PAGE 17: Kal makes his way to hospital. Drives like a maniac through the destroyed city. Passes a woman and her kids...stop...goes back. Actually helps someone. Convinces them to get into the car.
PAGE 18: Arrives at the hospital. Demands the kids are attended to first.
PAGE 19: Steps outside the hospital and calls his ex for the first time in two years. Goes right to voicemail. He hangs up and calls right back. Leaves a message. He hopes they are all OK and he misses his kids.
PAGE 20: Back in the hospital, he finally finds his mother. Apologizes for not being there for her. (Interacts with the others when I find out who they are...)

[Deleted]

...and talk about tight writing. If nothing else, we will learn how to write very tight as the end of the page comes up fast.

Yikes!

[attatt]

OK, I see our first potential problem...we cant all have type A, male protagonists.

We can have probably two of those if there are enough other differentiating factors. Or we can all have the same character type and have them all meet up and come to some great shared realization.

[Deleted]

I can change mine to a female, which would put an interesting spin on it.

She still wouldn't have custody of the kids.

She would still be a type A, but female instead.

Hmmm....I am kinda liking that idea...

[dwight]

Well here's my rough outline. Probably should have attached a word doc, but oh well. This is what i'm kind of going for.

SUNDAY
PAGE 1: GRANT, our savvy businessman, closes a land development deal with special foreign investors. Grant checks his cell several times throughout the deal. The deal goes through successfully, all thanks to Grant.
PAGE 2: On his way home he calls his wife KATE to share the good news. They’re going to celebrate. He asks what his family wants for dinner. His junior high son JOSH shouts “Pizza!” He asks his wife “Did he call?” She replies, “No.” He hangs up disappointed that ‘someone’ hasn’t called. The light turns green, but the person in front is out to lunch. Grant honks the horn. We see him inside his car, windows rolled up, screaming furiously on mute to the car in front (a common Los Angeles occurrence).

MONDAY
PAGE 3: Grant comes into work. He’s congratulated by everyone on the deal. His secretary says he has a call, “some guy asking for him.” “Hello Nathan…” “Nathan? Grant, this is DR. RAYMOND, your therapist…” His doc wants to schedule a session to finish their last session, the doctor doesn’t want to renew his anti-anxiety prescription (Zoloft, Prozac). Grant gets elevated, “the pills are working fine!” (they clearly aren’t). Grant slams the phone out of anger. Checks his cell again.
PAGE 4: That evening at home Grant speaks with his wife about the doctor’s incompetence and how his brother hasn’t called back after the argument. “His brother has to take responsibility and call” Grant claims. He tenses, his voice speeds up. Kate calms him. She’s comforting and patient with her husband. She suggests he call to smooth everything over. “No, he was in the wrong!”

TUESDAY
PAGE 5: Little league game. Grant helps assistant coach. Josh strikes out and walks back to the dug out bummed. For an instance Grant seems he could explode like an out of control ‘sports father’. But he acts just the opposite, he encourages, his son while giving him some pointers. When all seems calm, everything starts to shake, bats fall over, we hear car alarms sounding from the shaking. We see it’s just a suburban rolling through the parking lot, customized to psuedo uniqueness, with enough bass to upset a stomach. Grant gives the random posers a dirty stare throwing up his arms.
PAGE 6: Josh’s team loses. Grant is still encouraging and asks if his son wants some Cold Stones to ice the wounds of defeat. Grant realizes he’s come to the end of his prescription and gets angry in front of his son, but he quickly apologizes, this time his son encourages his father. Saying that, “you’re better than the pills.”

WEDNESDAY
PAGE 7 & 8: Anger management meeting. Grant is a regular. He called on to give his testimony to newer members. He mentions his angry father that left, and left some of that anger behind with Grant. Grant has never been violent, but rage has been an excuse and a crutch in his life. Grant eventually says how his family support from his wife and son are his real. Grant finishes, “I don’t know what I’d do without them.”
THURSDAY
PAGE 9 & 10: Grant can’t sleep. He’s bothered about his quarrel with his brother. He wants to patch things up. Kate calms him, giving him good advice and she tells him he’ll have plenty of time, but not to get started too late, because “we have plenty of time, but we tend to waste too much of it.” His wife has a lot of wisdom, comfort and patience. He’s happy and relaxed, but his mind is still filled with thoughts.

EARTHQUAKE
FRIDAY
PAGE 11: Leaves work early to beat the traffic. On the phone with his wife, “See you in fifteen minutes”
PAGE 12: Earthquake hits at a stop light. Cars crash, buildings topple, houses cave in. A traffic light falls right onto Grant’s car…
PAGE 13: Grant survives. He’s wounded, but can walk. People are screaming and crying around him. He’s in a daze. He tries to call his wife, but no signal. Someone yells for help “their family is trapped under a caved-in house. Grant starts running for his home.
PAGE 14: Fires, debris, buildings on their sides, 1st floors crushed by the 2nd, people alive and people dead. He makes it home to find his roof has caved in. He screams in rage, but he doesn’t cry. He hears his name… it has to be Kate. Grant driven my rage and anger he starts to tear away at the rubble, he crawls through yelling for Kate and Josh. He sheds no tears.
PAGE 15: It’s almost been over an hour. Grant sees his wife’s body pinned… he finds his wife and son together... both dead. He is furious. He continually tries to slide them out. He’s speechless and angry. He doesn’t cry, he buries everything as deep as possible.

SATURDAY
PAGE 16: It’s early morning, Grant sits on his front lawn, Kate and Josh lie next to him covered by bed sheets. The morning has quieted down, but people wander the streets. Grant’s elderly neighbor, HARRIS, comes over. He sees the two Kate and Josh, and shares sorrow with Grant. Grant responds, but he’s still very distant.
PAGE 17: Harris mentions his wife passed as well, by heart attack though. He’s going to try and bring her to USC medical center. There he can search for missing people, report missing people, and report the deceased. Grant agrees, they drive through the destruction with three covered bodies lying in the back of the van. People walk around blank. There is some traffic flowing on the street.
PAGE 18: At the mortuary, Grant registers his wife and son as deceased. There is an area for psychiatric help, DR. RAYMOND notices Grant down the hall. He confronts him, and learns of the deaths, the doctor gives him a prescription slip for medication. Grant holds onto it.
PAGE 19 & 20: Grant’s cell he’s forgotten about finally rings. It’s his brother NATHAN. He’s so glad Grant is alive, “I thought I lost you.” … Grant starts to sob for the first time. His brother asks “what’s happened?” He tells him about Kate and Josh. His brother sobs with him. Grant weeps on the phone sitting on the floor, in the hospital hallway. They both apologize for everything and nothing, and comfort each other. His brother shares it with a memory (something profound insert here. hehe), and they connect. Grant crumples the prescription slip.

[Deleted]

Peter. I like it a lot. Page 16,17 could be very, very powerful.

The only change would have to be page 11, and 12.

The earthquake will be written in one page that will be placed in between everyone's page 10 and 11. By page 11, the destruction has already occurred. The details you have for page 11 will have to go on your page 10. Your page 12 will be incorporated into the EARTHQUAKE page. Your page 13 should be your page 11. Does that make sense?

I figure when we gather everyone's stories, we can write one EARTHQUAKE page that will show what is happening to all five protagonists during the quake.

[songswithoutwords]

Hiya brain! Boss -

Re: page 10 or page 11 or page 15 for that matter....
Are we going to be tied that strictly to the structure?

I agree the quake hits everyone at the same time. The middle of the movie. But it doesn't have to be exactly the middle of each narrative does it? When combining won't something like the following happen?

Narrative 1 Page 1
Narrative 1 Page 2
Narrative 2 Page 1
Narrative 3 Page 1
Narrative 3 Page 2
Narrative 3 Page 3
Narrative 1 Page 3
Narrative 4 Page 1
Narrative 4 Page 2
Narrative 5 Page 1
Narrative 1 Page 4
Narrative 1 Page 5
Narrative 1 Page 6
Narrative 1 Page 7
Narrative 2 Page 2
Narrative 5 Page 2
Narrative 5 Page 3
Narrative 4 Page 3
Narrative 4 Page 4
Narrative 4 Page 5
Narrative 4 Page 6
Narrative 5 Page 4
Narrative 5 Page 5
Narrative 2 Page 3
Narrative 2 Page 4
Narrative 1 Page 8
Narrative 1 Page 9
Narrative 1 Page 10 ----- QUAKE
Narrative 2 Page 5 ------ QUAKE
Narrative 3 Page 4 ------ QUAKE
Narrative 4 Page 7 ------ QUAKE
Narrative 5 Page 6 ------ QUAKE

Whadya think?

Andrew

[dwight]

I think we'll have to move around the narratives and order when we have it written. for example I have days that consist of scenes only during the night. I think we can shuffle them together nicely. Much like coordinating the quake pages eventually.

I'm going to try and have my draft written by early next week.