Does this sound appealing?

[aurunna]

This is a project that I've been very passionate about for a long time. After a long time spent in pre-writing, I've finally begun to write it. It is going well, but I've hit that usual spot where I'm doubting that anyone will like it.

Anyway, here it is, let me know if it sounds intriguing at all.

Logline: When an estranged author’s world spirals downward in the midst of a late-life crisis, he befriends an aspiring writer to help resurrect his career

Comedy/Drama

Thanks in advance for advice for improvement!

[Jeff Messerman]

A tad vague but it certainly does illicit an emotional response from me...

There's a GREAT film called STARTING OUT IN THE EVENING with Frank Langella from a few years back.

www.imdb.com/title/tt0758784/

Lovely quiet little drama that resembles your logline.... not that I'm trying to say "it's been done before" but perhaps if you give it a look, it will help refine what you're trying to say.

Again, it's an instantly compelling tale, I just think your actual logline needs a bit more detail and refinement.

Keep hammering at it, you're probably on to something.

(Those character pieces are the WORST when it comes to having to boil them down to a single "marketing" sentence. I know, believe me, it's primarily what I write and I continually get stymied when it comes to boiling them down to that one catchy little pitch phrase...)

Jeff

[aurunna]

Jeff,

Thanks a lot for the advice. I actually have seen bits and pieces of Starting Out In the Evening, but never even put it together how much this resembled mine as far as concept goes.

I can however safely say that my story, while having some of the same ideas, is very different in many, many ways. But yes, this definitely gives me some insight into how to develop a more compelling logline. It's so hard to come up with something with no big action or thrilling surprise.

I will eventually post the finished product if anyone is at all interested. I really do think it is going to turn out very good. (And that's not just me being obsessed with my own work!)

[brianhaas]

I'll give it a go. Mind you, I'm a complete amateur and this is just my perspective based on very limited experience (I'm on my 3rd screenplay).

My gut impression is, like Jeff said, it's not specific enough. I sense that you may have an interesting story, but the logline needs work.

Some basic questions that come to mind:

- Estranged from what? From society? His wife? "Estranged" doesn't really tell me much about this particular author the way it's written. Is he burnt out? All but given up? I think that may be what you're getting at, but I'm not sure.

- Perhaps more about spiraling downward? Does this mean his career is just about over? He's filing for bankruptcy?

- How can this aspiring writer resurrect his career? Is there something about this writer that awakens something? Is it a female writer who awakens his passion (obviously in more ways than one)? A male writer whose artistic recklessness forces him outside his comfort zone (or, again, the passion thing)?

- Can you be more specific about his late-life crisis? What made him realize he's getting old and going to die?

I think you have the right idea. You describe the protagonist you describe his dilemma/struggle and you describe his goal.

I just think it would be stronger with some more specifics. Here's one ridiculous example so you get my meaning:

When a declining, burnt-out writer's children suggest he move into an old folk's home, he cuts all ties, flees his old life and befriends a young, aspiring writer who suffers from multiple personalities in the hopes that he will help reignite his creative spark.

It's not perfect (and it's pretty ridiculous), but you get a sense for who the protagonist is, the central struggle and what his goal is. I think the formula is general: A protagonist does something to overcome some sort of struggle.

My sense is that loglines are like haiku in that every word must be as precise as possible.

I hope that helps, and, again, lots of grains of salt since I'm still learning.

[dwight]

I'd say logline could use some work, but the idea can definitely be strong. I'm thinking of a "As Good As It Gets" kind of story in my head.

[chilldivine]

I agree that you've got a nice 'nuts and bolts' kind of logline that sets out your story ably, but would also echo it needs a bit of hook detail to really make someone go "I HAVE to read that screenplay/watch that movie..."

I think what's missing is character. Like the poster above, I was a bit confused by what you meant by 'estranged': you're normally estranged from someone or something, rather than in the general state of being estranged. While you don't want to clutter up a logline with hundreds of flowry adjectives, I think we need a sense of what makes this guy odd or unique or compelling enough for us to want to spend 100+ pages with him.

A greater sense also of the younger writer also, perhaps specifically what differentiates him from the older guy, would help to suggest the dramatic conflict that's at the heart of your story. Are they kindred spirits or are they going to drive one another round the bend?

Hope that helps a bit!

[mscherer]

Hmmmmm, Finding Forrester comes to mind here ;-)

My first question here would be: What are the stakes?

Keep Writing!

[aurunna]

"When declining, burnt out author (name) learns of his impending release from his publishing partners in the midst of a mid life crisis, and his desire to get his life back together, he agrees to take on a relatively green writer with clashing views to help resurrect his career"

Thanks everyone for the suggestions. This is what I have come up with now.

I personally don't like really long loglines, so naturally I try to keep it as short as possible, but I think I managed to include enough essential detail to make people more interested and give more feeling to the idea.

The story is a little different. There are two main characters: The older author, and the younger one. They are both protagonists in their own right in the story, but in a way are each others antagonists, but not in blatant, "I'm out to stop you at all costs" way.

So there's not 1 protag, and 1 antag, they are both each in a way. I think that's what makes it a little tough to write a logline that encompasses the whole idea.

Thanks for any further input guys. This place is great.

[mscherer]

Aurunna,

I agree, your logline is somewhat long -- 49 words. I think you can boil your logline down to fewer words and still offer a sense of what the story is about. For example:

When a burnt-out novelist is dropped by his publisher he agrees to mentor a struggling new writer with the hope of saving both of their careers.

Just my two-cents and worth as much...

[Jeff Messerman]

This is going to sound like a miserable cop-out but I'm gonna' do it anyway.

I'd say you're at a crux with your project. You're going to have to decide who exactly you want your audience to be. You already, deep down, know the answer to this question, I think. It sounds like you have a searing character piece on your hands that cannot be pidgeonholed into a marketing blurb.

Sadly, the "markets" dictate that we are required to, right?

So here's your decisionmaking at work... do you write this for Hollywood consumption or do you make a deeply realized indie drama? Because you could fold and turn and flip and twist a logline for hours on a character piece and still come up dry.

People are going to look at the current incarnation of your logline and say, "yes, but where the conflict?" "where the BIG PUNCH?" "...clashing views..." probably aren't gonna' do it, I'm afraid.

I'm sure there is a way to do it, to make your dual protag/antag movie work in logline form.... I just have no idea how! I've faced this same dilemma so many times that I finally stopped facing it. It'll just serve to make you nuts and, worse, keep you from writing.

My solution? I have a monster movie I'm tinkering with. It's got a logline. It's got a clear cut three act structure. It's got story archetypes that are as old as time. Easy to market. (er, relatively speaking)

I also have a dark comedy about a single elderly man who has suffered a heart attack and is dying slowly over the course of the film... pretty much a one man show. Logline? Not on your life.

I'm not sure any of this run-on rambling will help you or not but there we are. Please take comfort in that you're not alone in this one.... all of us who try to write real, honest, and true movies about actual characters go through it (usually, to our own detriment).

Case in point.... I'm a HUGE fan of the old Rafelson/Nicholson film FIVE EASY PIECES. Can you imagine a logline for that working on today's executives? "Angry pianist goes home." They'd roll their eyes and rifle through the pile for something that reads, "A malfunctioning giant robot takes over NORAD while its human programmers try to save the world."

Best of luck!

Jeff

[Jeff Messerman]

Not bad Mike! I like that. You've got logline chops, sir!