Extreme Makeover:Logline Edition

[echomusic]

This thing has been through more changes than I can think of. I’m including three different versions of it here.

I don’t know why loglines are so hard for me. Seems to be the only thing really holding me back from submitting this to contests, etc.

‘Love Alters’
Mystery/Drama


1. Jake has been given 24 hours before his wife will be abducted by a mysterious stranger who claims to be a link to her past that even she isn’t aware of.

2. On the day he finds out his wife is pregnant, Jake is given 24 hours before his wife will be taken away by a mysterious stranger who claims to be a link to her past of which even she isn’t aware.

3. On the morning he finds out his wife is pregnant, Jake is visited by a mysterious stranger, claiming to have ties to his wife’s past – that even she isn’t aware of – and gives Jake 24 hours to be with her before she is taken away, giving Jake one day to decide what to do…

[echomusic]

I guess I forgot to put in my post 'HELP!'

Suggestions on fixing this up?

[patrickoriley]

It's hard to be sure what the best logline would be without a complete summary of the script, but here's my attempt.

Jake has exactly one day to save his newly pregnant wife from a mysterious stranger from her forgotten past.

[thiagodaher]

intriguing concept echo.

and nice work patrick, nice work indeed.

cheers to all.

[mscherer]

Remember to keep your logline simple: antagonist, protagonist, situation, stakes.

An expectant father (protagonist) learns he has twenty-four hours to discover the identity (situation) of a mysterious stranger (antagonist) from his pregnant wife’s past or lose her forever (stakes).

Keep Writing!

[echomusic]

Great comments all, thank you.

I'm toying with posting the completed draft on the site. It's something we're trying to put together to film by the end of the year.

Re: the pregnancy thing, I'm not sure if I should include it in the logline -- it does add a level of urgency to the whole affair, but is not something that is a catalyst for the ‘mysterious stranger’ to come in to the story.

I’m sure none of this is making sense without having read the script.

[echomusic]

The script is now posted on the message board.