Captain Awesome

[alexringgaard]

Hello GITS

I wrote a pilot episode of a web series I'm working on, and thought I'd share it with you.

I'm not sure how much you can comment on at the moment, other than the style of writing, but please don't hold back on anything. I'll rather hear it and disregard it than not hear it and miss it.

English is not my first language so there might be a few/a lot of spelling errors and sentences that doesn't make sense, let me apologize in advance.

This is a first draft so I haven't made any effort to correct them myself

Happy Writing

Alex Ringgaard

Attachments:

[mydoggeorge]

Hi Alex,
I read through it. I think this should go up in the shorts section, because it's only three pages.

At first glance - it's hard for me to follow exactly what is going on. You have some guy that wakes up and uses the bathroom, then pretty much sits around all day drinking and watching television.

I guess I'm confused to what you're trying to portray in this screenplay. I need to see something in the first page (first minute) that's going to make me want to sit or read through the entire screenplay, but I don't see it here.

I think in your first screenplay ever for the web series - you want to catapult your CAPTAIN AWESOME to the true origins that he's destined for. You could start the web series where we see him as a slacker for the first page in a half and then the second page in a half - have the guy getting hit by a bolt of lightning or something and that's what gives him his AWESOME powers.

I hope this makes sense.

These are only my comments and suggestions. You can do what you want with them - either use or chuck em'.