formatting questions for the script gurus

[hammett]

Perhaps some of the wisend souls of GIT could give me a hand.

For a scene where one person is talking in the bathroom and the other person is listening to call prompts in a home office in the next room, do I format like this??

Does the recording go in the dialog box??

INT. KENDALL’S HOUSE-BATHROOM-DAY

LISA PERKINS stands in the bathroom mirror. She is early thirties, pretty on the outside. She is putting on her makeup... to go to the gym.

LISA
They had the cilantro rissoto.

INT. KENDALLS HOUSE -STUDY-DAY
Kendall Perkins, unassuming marketing manager, early thirties, dressed in short sleeved shirt and tie is at his desk, stuck in phone hell.

SPEAKER PHONE
For English press 1, for Spanish press 2

Kendall presses 1

BATHROOM
LISA
Yada yada yada

OFFICE
SPEAKER PHONE
Yada Yada Yada


Thank you for your help.

[mscherer]

Hammet,

I’m not A Script Guru, nor do I play one on TV, but let me give this a shot. My first instinct is to handle your scene this way:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
INT. KENDALL’S HOUSE-BATHROOM-DAY
LISA PERKINS, early thirties, pretty on the outside. Studies her reflection in the mirror -- applies make-up.

OFFICE/STUDY
KENDALL PERKINS, unassuming marketing manager, early thirties, dressed in short sleeved shirt and tie is at his desk, stuck in phone hell.

SPEAKER PHONE
(filter)
For English press 1, for Spanish press 2

LISA (OS)
They had the cilantro rissoto.

Kendall presses 1

LISA (OS)
Yada yada yada

SPEAKER PHONE
Yada Yada Yada
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few of items of note:

Lisa does not '...stand in the bathroom mirror' Can't be done. She can stand in front of, or behind, but not IN.

Don't have to identify it as the 'bathroom mirror'. The reader knows the scene takes place in the bathroom, thus, mirror will suffice.

Don't have to TELL the reader Lisa is going to the gym -- you can SHOW her going there later or she can tell Kendall as she leaves: I'm going to the gym.

I rearranged the scene for better flow. Introduce Liza. Introduce Kendall. Show the reader what Kendall is up to, then let Lisa talk off screen (OS).

For the ‘voice’ coming over the phone I used the parenthetical FILTER. This is a device to allow the audience to hear what is being said over the phone without having to show that ‘voice’ on screen.

Hope this helps and I’m sure if I have misspoke or created some sort of formatting faux pas, someone with more knowledge will chime in.

Keep Writing!

[hammett]

Thanks for the help, I replied earlier but don't see my post.